SMS ( fun and humour)

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes. Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

Angry Santa to his son: Have you ever seen an owl? Pappu: (Luking down) No... Santa: Don't look down. Look at me.

Santa: Do you want to hear a dirty joke? Banta: Ok Santa: A white horse fell in the mud.

Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God? Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?

Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver u this packet. Santa: Why did u come so far. Instead U could have posted it.

Why women live a better, longer & a peaceful life? Because, women don't have a wife.

Man standing on the scale, holding his stomach in. Wife: I don't think that is going to help. Man: Sure it does. How else could I see the numbers?

Maths & Women are the two most complicated things in this world... But maths at least has some logic!

Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything? Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.

Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever: What will come first, Chicken or egg? O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.

Why do bees hum? Because they've forgotten the words.

Control to pilot: What is your height and position? Pilot: I'm five feet eight inches and i'm sitting down.

Wife: I Have Changed My Mind. Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now?

A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see? Boy: Yes, I saw dad!

Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing? Clerk: Yes. Robber shot him dead & asked d next clerk: Did u? 2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!

Why are Egyptian Children always confused? Because after death, their DADDY becomes a MUMMY.

Two men were talking. First: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house n doing laundry. Second: Amazing, I took divorce for the same reason!

Teacher: Who is Mahatma Gandhi? Modern day Student: He is the one who helped Munna Bhai to impress his Girlfriend!

It's a fact: A girl may not help u to get lot of salary but... salary may help u to get lot of girls. So, love ur work not girls!

One of the biggest problems of the world is that the stupid ones are damn sure & the intelligent ones are full of doubts !

When gambling became legal in the city, everyone agreed that the city was now a bettor place.

There was the scientist who disconnected his doorbell. He wanted to win the Nobel Prize.

Q: What time is it when most people go to the dentist? A: Tooth-Hurty!

Newly divorced woman explaining reason for splitting: We had religious differences - he thought he was God, I didn't.

Expensive fertilizers that do nothing for your grass will give you the most gorgeous weeds you ever saw.

People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

A teenage boy to his father: Here's my report card and a list I've compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished their High School.

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Pappu! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "Cartoon Network, Ten Sports, Discovery Channel and Pogo!"

A cute Nurse came 4 the interview. Dr: What salary U Xpect? Nurse: Rs.10,000. Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure. Nurse: With pleasure it¢s 25,000

Easiest way to die: 1. Have a cigar daily - you will die10 years early. 2. Have drinks daily - you will die 30 years early. 3. But love someone truly - you will die daily!

What would confuse a mentally challenged person? Answer: A pineapple. Confused...? I knew you would be!

How to catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and just be yourself. Squirrels will come to you on their own. Because they just love NUTS !

If you never want to see a man again, say: I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children - they leave skid marks.

Yeah, my husband and I just split up. I finally faced the fact that we're incompatible. I'm a Virgo and he's an a@@hole.

Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home& devil in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home& economist in Bed.

Santa declares: I'll never marry in my life and I'll give same advice to my children also.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in, she said: Check books.

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the ciggarettes I smoked, i feel ashamed. Then I look into the ciggarette & think about the workers in the ciggarette factory & all of their hopes & dreams. If I dont smoke this ciggarette, they might be out of work & their dreams would be shattered, Then I say to myself, it's better that I smoke this ciggarette & let their dreams come true then be selfish & worry about my LUNGS.

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.

When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession...even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"

A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married. Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?

"Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire'" Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously. "What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?" "I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.

Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal