Another good one!
It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time
to time, cleans up and has a job.
It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
4 ruks a man must follow!!!!!!!!!!111
Sunday, April 5, 2009
HILARIOUS
Giving Up Wine
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I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'
'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.
'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.
'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'
'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.
'Are you NUTS!' repli ed the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'
'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'
The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'
I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'
I just know you're laughing!
You're gonna send it on - aren't you?
Friday, April 3, 2009
Dr.SANTA ANSWERS MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY
Dr.SANTA ANSWERS MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY
Have you heard of Mr. Santa Singh in medical school tryin' to become a doctor?
Needless to say he never made it. You know why?
These are some of the objective-types he answered in his exam...................
( last one's the best....)
************
Antibody - against everyone
Artery - The study of the paintings.
Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria.
Caesarean section - a district in Rome.
Cardiology - advance study of poker playing.
Cat scan - searching for lost cat.
Chronic - neck of a crow.
Coma - punctuation mark.
Cortisone - area around local court.
Cyst - short for sister.False labour pains- pretending to work.
Genes - blue denim.
Hernia - she is close by.
Impotent - distinguished/ well known.
Labour pain - hurt at work.
Lactose - people without toes.
Lymph - walk unsteadily.
Microbes - small dressing gown.
Obesity - city of Obe.
Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize.
Proteins - in favour of teens.
Pulse - grain.
Pus - small cat. or.......something which I can't write..
Red blood count - Dracula.
Secretion - hiding anything.
Tablet - small table.
Ultrasound - radical noise.
Urine - opposite of you're out.
Varicose - very close
Diagnosis - person with slanted nose.
Dilate - the late British Princess Diana.
Dislocation - in this place.
Duodenum - couple in blue jeans.
Enema - not a friend.
WHY GOD AMDE MOMS?
WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from mens' bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's Moms like me.
What kind of little girl was your Mum?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did Mom need to know about Dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3.. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your Mom marry your Dad?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2.. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My Grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad's such an idiot.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.
What's the difference between Moms & Dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and Dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't have spare time.
2. To hear her talk, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. You know, her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue..
If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
WHEN YOU STOP LAUGHING --
SEND IT ON TO OTHER MOTHERS, GRANDMOTHERS, AUNTS and anyone else who has anything to do with kids or just needs a good laugh!!!
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from mens' bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's Moms like me.
What kind of little girl was your Mum?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did Mom need to know about Dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3.. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your Mom marry your Dad?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2.. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My Grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad's such an idiot.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.
What's the difference between Moms & Dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and Dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't have spare time.
2. To hear her talk, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. You know, her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue..
If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
WHEN YOU STOP LAUGHING --
SEND IT ON TO OTHER MOTHERS, GRANDMOTHERS, AUNTS and anyone else who has anything to do with kids or just needs a good laugh!!!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
NIGHT CLASSSES
During work, Raman and Narayan were chatting:
Raman: Narain, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I
have
an exam next week.
Narayan: oh!
Raman: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses
you
would know this.
The next day, the same discussion took place:
Raman: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses,
you
would know this.
The next day, once again:
Raman: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you
would know this.
This time, Narayan got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is
Balakrishnan Kuppuswamy?
Raman: No
Narayan: He's the guy roaming with your wife!! If you stop night
courses,
you would know.
Laloo Got Job in Microsoft Corporation ( VERY FUNNY JOKE ) AND SMS
Sunday, March 29, 2009
HILARIOUS
Subject: Hilariious!!
ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man
opposite herwas smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time
the smileturned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he
had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for
himself.
The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got
on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a
sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then
she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's Liniment will
reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man
opposite herwas smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time
the smileturned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he
had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for
himself.
The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got
on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a
sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then
she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's Liniment will
reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign
that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I
could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honor, when She moved the
fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented
this Accident'... I just lost it.'
'CASE DISMISSED!!'
could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honor, when She moved the
fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented
this Accident'... I just lost it.'
'CASE DISMISSED!!'
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