1 LINERS

1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back
3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math
5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
6. Never answer an anonymous letter
7. It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better
8. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it
9. Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours
10. Few women admit their age; few men act it
11. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
12. No one is listening until you make a mistake
13. Give me ambiguity or give me something else
14. We have enough youth How about a fountain of "Smart"?
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest
16. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes
17. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else
18. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
19. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't
20. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?