COOL 1 LINERS.

Special one liners ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last nightshe used me to time an egg.

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog onthe lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She waswearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she wascoming home.

A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There’snobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.

If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life atall.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying.I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in themorning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as atwo-bagger. That’s when you put a bag over your headin case the bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to curesex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental flossin the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I’m so ugly I stuck my head out the window and gotarrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging,naked. I asked him why. He said, “Because you camehome early.”

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray afterthe meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; shecalled me from Chicago last night.

My family was so poor that if I hadn’t been born aboy, I wouldn’t have had anything to play with.